Simply Barefoot

I have this feeling

2010-04-02T21:31:00.001-05:00

this weird, weird feeling.
Like something is wrong or out of place.
I can't figure it out but I have had these thoughts for a couple of weeks now.

I feel weird.
All over.

Something isn't quite right.
I need help.
or something.

My name's Amber

2010-03-29T23:58:00.002-05:00

and I say whatever is on my mind.
It's a dirty, rotten habit that needs to cease immediately!

Long ago (as in 3+ years ago), I kept a lot of things that I was thinking to myself.
I didn't think that anyone wanted to hear my opinion.
And being as passive as I was, I definitely didn't want to start an argument or have anyone be mad at me.
While those passive and sensitive feelings still exist, I, for some strange reason, feel the need to say EVERYTHING that is on my mind.

What is the matter with me?

I think...A LOT.
I'm a daydreamer.
I am always thinking of new ideas, things that happened in the past, my feelings on every situation known to man, etc.

Just because I think of these things, doesn't mean I need to share with the world my views on why I'm not a crafter or why I don't feel the need to exercise.

WHO CARES?!
I mean, really.

It's been getting out of hand lately.
I'll say something such as my opinion on someone's relationship and I immediately feel myself get hot with severe embarassment.
I shouldn't have an opinion on EVERYTHING!

No one wants to hear every detail of how I'm feeling today or why I decided to take a 3 hour nap because I have no energy. blah blah blah

I believe this is why most women drive most men crazy.
It's the constant need to babble about everything and nothing all at the same time.

My mom and I can hold a conversation that goes in ten different directions and keep that conversation going for MONTHS on end.
I'm not exaggerating.
My dad finally will start to say things like, "haven't you worn out that topic yet?", "stop talking about people behind their backs" and "I'm tired of hearing you talk about this"

When did I become THAT type of repetitive and, quite frankly, annoying person?

I am putting an end to the nonsense that I have created around me.
I can't handle putting my own foot in my own mouth anymore.

I have decided to start thinking before I speak.
Do I really need to share this thought?
Would this person really care if I don't want "Obamacare"?
Does my boyfriend really need to hear my opinions about everything that isn't my business?

NO!

So, starting now, I will not say whatever is on my mind.
I will write about these things here.
And then you have the choice to listen or not.

For the first time,

2010-02-23T21:43:00.003-06:00

in a long time, I feel complete.

I'm anxious for the future not because of fears of what it may bring,

but because I KNOW there are great things to come.

I have become a romantic of sorts (something I never used to be).

I just want to shout it from the rooftops.

I can't.

Someday.

Someday I will show you off.

Bad Day

2010-02-19T22:27:00.004-06:00

I'm choosing to start off today's bad post with some happy pictures from last weekend.

Has a week gone by already? OI!

Yesterday was not my day.

First, my morning started off by going in to get Aves out of her bed.

She was SOAKED in pee. (This is not unusual at all)

I picked her up and kissed her on the cheek (like I do every single morning ever.)

This particular morning, not only were her jammies soaked in pee...

but so was her FACE!!

I freaked out trying to wash my now pee-soaked mouth while my 2-year-old just laughed hysterically at me.

Apparantly, Mommy getting pee lips is the funniest thing ever.

Sheesh.

(ok, it is really, really funny looking back)

We went to run errands after I cleaned up the pee and my child and my face.

We went to Target.

Cool. Nothing new.

On the way out to the car, the HUGE case of waters that was on the bottom rack of the cart slid off of the cart and spilled open...EVERYWHERE!

Keep in mind, the basket (with my child in it) was in the middle of the road!

I was scrambling to pick up the waters and the case of waters AND get my cart/child out of the road.

It was a hilarious sight........

especially to the ONE guy (a Target employee) that watched me and laughed at me,

instead of laughing and HELPING me!!

Note to self: Always, always help those in need...it's ok to laugh but help, too.

What a day!

S-T-R-E-S-S

2010-02-11T12:37:00.006-06:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about stress and how I handle it.

Stress is a big thing that most everyone deals with.

Parenting, finances, school, work, life in general.

All of these things are positive, but when they become overwhelming, we get stressed.

I had the pleasure of having lunch with my daddy yesterday.

He is the MOST laid-back, relaxed, chilled out person I have ever, ever know.

Ever!

I decided to ask him how he handles stress, knowing fully what his answer would be.

He replied, "Well, I sit back, take a deep breath, and realize that it could always be worse."

Yep, perfect.

He couldn't have answered it better...because that's exactly how I handle stress, also.

I know it's easier said than done.

BUT

when you really think about things and put them into perspective,

life really isn't that stressful.

So, I'm a single mom.

Big deal!

There are so many single moms out there that have struggling to provide a good life for their kids.

I have such an amazingly supportive family that I never feel like I'm doing it alone.

No stress, just blessings.

I'm a full-time student.

So what?!

I choose to go to school so that I can one day provide a better life for my little girl and me.

What's so stressful about that?

I work 2 jobs...wah wah!

I work for two great aunts that help me keep my head above water.

I can't be stressed when I have at least some money coming in, right?

Right.

...............................................................................................................

My little darling still isn't getting the potty-training thing.

She had another "potty in her panties" accident this morning...all over my floor.

And this was right after she got up off of the potty chair.

I just can't give up!

She also had another accident of a different caliber.

She fell off of my bed for the first time.

Right on her head.

She screamed; my brother and I freaked out.

She is fine.

Just a carpet burn on her forehead...I don't know how she managed that one.

..............................................................................................................

Having a child means giving lots and lots of baths.

Luckily, bathtime is the best time of the day.

Avery is the happiest when it's bathtime.

Today, after her bath, Avery said, "want to take a picture of Elmo."
So I had her set him exactly where she wanted the picture taken.

I showed her the picture I took and she said "It's perfect!"

.......................................................................................................

If it wasn't for the eyes, I don't think anyone would believe that she is mine.

Luckily, she got the best part of me.

.........................................................................................................

I own my own house.
It's being rented by a sweet lady right now.

I just hope that she keeps up with my flower garden.

I helped build this garden...it used to just be a patch of grass.

These are just some of my lillies that bloomed last spring.

My very favorites.

............................................................................................

Since this is turning out to be a random post....

Doesn't she have the most kissable cheeks in the world?

Look at those puppies! I kiss them so many times a day.

I'll ask Avery, "How many kisses?"

She replies, "MILLIONS!"

Yep, that sounds about right.

Who wouldn't want to kiss those chubby cheeks?
She is like an angel.

I tell her that everyday.

.....................................................................................................

I find myself missing my old style and look...a lot.

I used to be so fun and different.

I always had cute hair cuts.

I always wore a funky eyeshadow color.
I miss this.

I crave to look "normal" these days.

In high school, I was voted most original style every year and had my picture in the yearbook as a result.

Um, kind of awesome, I think.

Now, I dress so plain Jane.

I suppose that I feel like I should dress more conservatively because I am a mom now.

LAME!

I want to get my cute style back.

I still have the clothing and make-up.

I need to funk it up because lately I am just boring!

Since I have all the right gear, I just need to "make it work."

....................................................................................................................................

here I am

2010-02-08T14:10:00.009-06:00

It's a funny thing being alone.
I don't really ever mind it...most of the time.
I have always said that I work better alone.
For the most part, that stands true to this day.

I have been thinking though; I don't want to be old and alone.
I just don't.
I want to give Avery a sibling(s).
I want a man to stand by my side and go through life with me.
Someday.

My parents will have been married for 30 years this June.
30 years!

my dad's Christmas party 2009

They had 3 children and now one grandchild.
Life is sweet for them.

a family friend's wedding, Jan. 2009

my brother's 21st birthday, July 2009

lake, summer 2009

December 2009

My parents are still in love with each other.

I admire that.
I also admire that my parents are still very affectionate towards each other...even in front of us or company.
And you know, what is there to be ashamed of?

July, 2009

I grew up knowing that no matter what, my parents love each other and they are not afraid to show it.

I want a love like that.

I want to show Avery a love like that.

Someday.

Although I can't imagine what kind of man I will end up with, I imagine that he's a good man.

I would like a man that shares the same values as I do: peace, love, faith, and contentment.

I NEED a man who loves to just hang out at home sometimes where it's warm, comfortable, and safe.

I NEED a man who desires adventure, loves time at the lake, and lives for summertime.

my brother wakeboarding, summer 2008

summer 2008

my cousin, Luke, summer 2008

view from the lake house, Spring 2009

Avery, spring 2009

Uncle Aaron and Avery, spring 2009

Avery and her uncles, spring 2009

Avery and Papa, December 2009

I NEED a man who has a heart for family, because, let's face it, family is my everything.

family, Christmas 2009

I don't feel like that is too much to ask.

It's only hard because I am a mother, too.

It's a scary thing for most men to get involved in...I guess.

But come on...What's so scary about this pair?

tubing, summer 2009

Thanksgiving 2008

Avery's 2nd birthday, August 2009

my favorite, October 2009

October 2009

I feel as if I should say all of this just to say that I will be patient.

I will be picky.

I just need someone who wants to be a part of my life.

And let's face it, it's a sweet, sweet life.

neighborhood pool, August 2009

favorite shoes, 2009

pumpkin patch, October 2009

petting zoo, October 2009

my girl, November 2009

my girl and her babies, December 2009

I only have my thoughts

2010-02-07T14:04:00.002-06:00

I don't have any pictures today.
Just my thoughts.

My life has been overwhelmed with homework and studying.
My motivation lacks greatly and I need help.
Oh school, I hate you.
I just have to keep my eyes on my goal.
FINISH!

Avery is 2 and a half...TWO AND A HALF.
And she is not potty-trained.
It's ridiculous, really.
You see, several months ago, [my mother and I] had her almost there.
Then, she got really, really sick and all that training went down the toilet...no pun intended.
So now, several months later, the potty-training ensues.

Today, after many days of refusing to do her business anywhere but her pants, Avery WENT POTTY ON THE POTTY CHAIR!!
It's a revelation, I tell you.
For such a smart, SMART little girl, the concept of the potty chair is outstanding and for some reason, so hard to comprehend.

Avery speaks Spanish.
She knows all of her numbers, colors, shapes, letters, the sounds of each letter, and how to count in English and in Spanish.
She has a brilliant memory and will remember things from months ago with no prompting.
I know it sounds as if I am exaggerating...but I assure, I'm not.
Ask anyone who has been around Aves for more than a few minutes.
GENIUS child.

But potty-training...nooooooooooooo.
It's like we are making her eat dirt.
She has refused.
So, today has been a day to remember.

Enough of about that.

Valentine's Day is coming up.
Even though I don't have a lover and haven't had one for several V-days, I still love it!
I love (almost) everything about it.
The decorations, the candy, the flowers, the gifts, the love.
Avery is my Valentine this year.
We will make cookies and, weather permitting, we are going on a picnic!
I feel like this holiday doesn't have to be about having a significant other, it just has to be about love and the love you have for those you matter to you.
Simple. Peaceful. Lovely.

Hmm.
Life is good.
Only when you make it that way.

One day

2010-02-03T22:17:00.003-06:00

I always think about and dream about what Avery will end up doing with her life later on.

Will she go to college?

Will she get her wish and be a soccer player?

Will she follow in her mom's footsteps? Or Dad's?

Maybe Avery will be a concert pianist.

She was very serious about playing and recording it. :)

Maybe she will invent the next cool gadget.

Maybe she will make even funner games than the "Sponge Bob game."

Or the "Hello Kitty game."

Maybe she will make others' hearts warm, just like she does to me.

well, it snowed...

2010-02-01T21:03:00.005-06:00

...but my birthday was not ruined!

I was determined to celebrate regardless and the roads ended up not being bad AT ALL!

Although some friends couldn't make it, I still had a great time with some great family and friends.

I didn't take any pictures though...well, just one. I was too busy socializing and having fun!

Besides, Avery is my favorite thing/person to take picture of anyway ;)

Getting ready for the snow was a lot like the scene from "A Christmas Story" where the mom layers up the kid so much that he couldn't move. And when he fell, of course he couldn't get up.

I chuckled to myself as I layered up my little girl.

When she fell in the snow later, I laughed so hard because she couldn't get up either!

I'm not a mean mommy though, right? :)

Isn't crazy how BRIGHT the snow makes everything?! Walking outside was like being blinded by a flashlight or something.

Aves and I always wear sunglasses. We are cool babes, afterall.

See?! How funny is Avery falling in the snow and getting stuck?!

I helped her up eventually...after I snapped a quick photo of the hilarity:)

At my house, we don't do the dangerous kind of sledding.

Last year, my middle brother went sledding with some friends at one of those retention(sp?) ponds in town.

The hills are HUGE!

When you go down them, you seriously go so fast it could injure you easily.

Well, point of this is that they saw a man break BOTH of his ankles by putting his feet out to stop himself at the bottom of the hill!!

CRAZY!!

Also, my cousin's friend broke his thumb last year doing the same thing.

Point is, we do safe sledding at my house.

Maybe I'm a weenie, but Avery is way too little to be doing anything of that nature.

AND she has just as much fun being pulled around the yard on a sled.

I complain about the snow/ice A LOT.

However, I have to admit that nature really is miraculous.

Look at how thick the ice is! WOW!!

I can honestly say that Avery and I were not that cold.
Layering up has it's advantages.

Poor Nana! Pulling that sled around in the snow is a SERIOUS workout!

I was exhausted after one go-around.

Yay Nana for taking over!

Avery was screaming and squealing with delight.

I tried to teach Aves how to make a snow angel.

She screamed and didn't want to lay down in the snow.

My mom (Nana) thought she could get her to do it.

NOPE!! She still screamed.

Saturday night...the ONE picture that I got.

It's my cousin April and I at Cosmo.

Aren't we dear? ;)

Avery got a new duck on my birthday...it's another old beanie baby brought to life again.

She loves him :)

I wanted to take a series of photos of Avery and me for my birthday.

I appears that she is smiling in this one....don't be fooled...she is SCREAMING!

Oh Avery and her papa...they love each other so so much.

And this is my new favorite picture of the two of them.

It makes my heart smile :)

She wanted to give Mommy funny faces and thought it was totally hysterical.

(It kind of was...shhh don't tell her!)

For having a mom that loves to take her picture, Avery sure hates to have her picture taken.

Sigh, will she ever get over it and just say cheese?!

Maybe when she's 3...

She had to help me blow out the candles.

That was my weekend.

Full of fun, laughter, friends, family, and birthday cake.

Life is good.

I do have one funny story to tell.

We went shopping on Saturday and a woman told Avery that her outfit was cute. (she had on a leopard print outfit....she is her momma's daughter :) )

I quickly whispered "say 'thank you'" as any good mom would.

But NO! Avery touched her shirt and stated plainly, "yes, it's called leopard."

Ahh, I love my little girl.

So so full!

2010-01-29T21:20:00.006-06:00

We are snowed in and while there is a lack of things to do, there is not a lack of food.

My mom made a giant batch of homemade chili...so so good.
AND we made two different kinds of brownies.

Although you could never tell from looking at us,

my family loves to eat! Especially sweets :)

Before the snow started, we already had a nice collection of icicles hanging from our back perola.

I found it beautiful and inspiring.

Trying to find activities for a full of energy 2-year-old who only wants to play outside can be difficult.
Here's what we found to do instead:

play with babies in the tent

watch cartoons while holding babies

babies, babies, babies

(they are all my old beanie babies and she adores them more than any other toy)

we held hands while snuggled up in Papa's chair watching cartoons...so sweet

we stared outside as the snow began to fall and wished it was time to play outside.

Maybe tomorrow, Aves.

We played with Avery's new Dora video game that she got for Christmas.

It's a bit old for her so I had to do most of the playing while she watched.

(I got it at Just Between Friends, so it was really cheap!)

Avery showed me how to dance the Mambo.

"Now wiggle your hips, wiggle your hips!"

We played drums.

boomba boomba boom!

She wanted to love on her pink elephant.

"How 'bout 2 edaphents?!"

We played airplane. 3, 2, 1...blastoff!

I always let her countdown.

We played soccer in mommy's room.
"Avery, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A soccer player!!"

Nana let us play on her bed.
This is one of Avery's favorite things to do.

We did all of that before naptime. I know you're impressed...it was a loooong morning.

Avery started to get weepy after lunch. She decided that playing baby with Mommy would be fun.

So, she laid on my chest and pretended to cry.

I secretly loved every minute of it. :)

What a fun-filled snow day!

Tomorrow, I plan on venturing outdoors to take Avery sledding.

Also, Sunday is my birthday.

24 feels very very old.

DON'T! let it snow

2010-01-26T22:06:00.003-06:00

It's beautiful, isn't it? Noooooo! This Thursday the weather man is predicting millions of inches of ice/snow/crap. AND it's my birthday on Sunday. This would be either the 4th of 5th birthday in a row that it has been nasty out. Let's all hold hands and pray for no snow! I would like to celebrate my birthday on Saturday like a normal person!

Ok, ok. Enough of that.
Can you believe that this is my sweet little baby Avery?

Isn't she dear? Oh how I love her and she sweet little baby self. I have some serious baby fever. I think it's only because Avery is becoming more and more independent everyday.

This is my sweet *big girl* Avery. She is illuminating and so darling. She has the most perfectly kissable cheeks...

and she thinks I do too :)

We are a perfect pair.

She is seriously my angel. I think I could be alone forever and just be her mommy and I would be completely ok with that...as long as she never grows up ;)

You know, she looks NOTHING like me...except the eyes. The best part...if you ask me :)

I think of all the things in the world that could make me happy, and nothing makes me happier than my sweet *big girl* Avery.

Are you tired of the sap? Maybe I'll post something a little different tomorrow.

Like...pictures of my clean closet!!

This face brings me

2010-01-24T21:25:00.002-06:00

joy
love

peace

contentment

and lots of laughter.

My Avery is home.

As much as I miss her when she is away, I know that she is giving her dad and his family the same joy, love, peace, contentment, and laughter that she gives me everyday.

I know it is rare, but I really feel like it is so so so important for Avery to be apart of her dad's life and his family's life.

I couldn't imagine not knowing a whole side of my family just because my mom and dad didn't work out in the end.

Avery is so blessed to have two families that love her endlessly.

Blessings.

I count them everyday.

Today I Feel

2010-01-22T15:49:00.002-06:00

a little bit lonely.

Having few friends doesn't really bother me most of the time.
I spend almost every drop of free time with my daughter so I don't really make time for anything else.
However, Aves went to visit her Gran-Nana Sybil with her dad's mom for the weekend.
On these types of weekends, I would love to catch up with old friends or do something fun that I don't usually do because I always put Avery first.
Well, there aren't many old friends to catch up with.

So, here I am. Alone. And moderately upset about it.

It will get better.
It just has to.

Happiness is...

2010-01-19T22:24:00.003-06:00

...a fresh batch of chocolate chip muffins

... my girl wanting me to hold her all day...just because

... daydreaming. one of my favorite things to subconsciously do

...getting an A on my first project for a class that I thought I might have to drop

...being content.

My happiness is not defined by what I don't have, but what I do have.

Live it.

Love it.

What makes you happy?

Spring Break! I need you.

2010-01-18T11:45:00.003-06:00

This photo encompasses my room and how it looks every single day. I pride myself on being neat, organized, and clutter-free. Impressive, right? The closet tells a completely different story. It makes me feel like a liar!

You can see my obvious attempts at organization but the STUFF just keeps coming out of the woodwork! I have no idea when I started collected this "stuff". It is beginning to overtake my closet and soon it will spill out into my room. I'm scared! It looks as if the characters from AHHH! Real Monsters should be hanging out and living in there. (Anyone remember that show?)

Unfortunately, free time is something I lack these days. I am a full-time mommy, full-time student, and I work 2 jobs. Oi. Hurry up spring break...this overwhelmed momma could use a little bit of your time.

On the weekends, I get to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. On this particular Saturday, I got to visit a dear old friend and her precious new baby. Introducing Marli Grace:

She is beautiful and has a beautiful name to match. Congratulations, S! She is a doll. :)

I was looking at pictures from when Avery was that little. WOW! Time really does just fly by. Now she isn't a baby; she is a big girl learning to ride a battery-operated four wheeler.

She quickly learned that boy toys are much more fun that girl toys. Maybe I will give her a brother...someday.

Anytime I'm driving in the car with Aves and I here her say "cool babe", this is what I can absolutely find sitting in her carseat:

It means she has put her sunglasses on (one of her many, many pairs) and she is just chillin. She learned to say "cool babe" from me. I am an excellent role model.

That same car ride I took a picture of the two of us...at a stop sign. Don't worry!

This is a similar picture to one that I took in April of last year:

Yep, time flies. Avery is much taller/bigger. AND she doesn't suck her fingers anymore! Yeah, she is a big girl. Sigh.

Inspiration (a story of lacking some)

2010-01-17T23:51:00.000-06:00

This being my first post, I am quite positive that I need no introduction.

I'm Amber, blah blah blah.

The story is absolutely the same. Simple. Peaceful. Honest.

I find it to be so reassuring that no matter who comes in and out of my life, I always remain the same. You know, compromise is a dirty thing...remaining true to yourself...now THAT is something of great fairytales and romance. Ok, maybe it's not. But it should be.

It's so easy to become a slave to happiness. Most of us search far and wide for that certain guy slash girl slash job that will absolutely end all hints of sadness. Something to just make us want to smile all the time, not because we have to, but because we WANT to.

What I'm screaming is that it is possible to find that happiness within yourself! Why limit yourself to only only being happy if the right opportunities come along?! It sounds completely absurd. I am a firm believer in making choices for yourself and it starts with making the choice to be happy NO MATTER WHAT.

Of course, it's not as easy as it sounds, but with practice and knowing that nothing can bring you down (especially: NO ONE), life has no boundaries. Happiness and success are limitless when you can bring them to yourself.

All of this, a lesson I have had to teach myself: when life fails to meet your needs, meet them on your own.